My family still thinks I should cook the turkey… what would you do?

Food
1

I’ve been vegan for almost two years now. My family had a tough time adjusting, but eventually, they came around and even started eating less meat themselves. Still, I feel there’s some lingering resentment.

For years, I’ve been the one to handle the turkey. Last Thanksgiving was my first as a vegan, and I went through the process of showing them how to do it, but honestly, I still ended up doing all the work. I don’t think they’re planning to take over this year either, but I’m really not okay with it anymore. Handling it, stuffing it, dealing with the smell, the neck, and giblets—it’s all just too much for me now.

I don’t want to cause drama, but I’m annoyed that they assume I’m fine with this. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? How did you handle it?

2

Why not suggest a stuffed Tofurky instead?

3

Sidney said:
Why not suggest a stuffed Tofurky instead?

I agree! I tried one for Friendsgiving and chopped it into pieces to make it look more like traditional turkey. It even comes with gravy! People were impressed—it’s worth a shot.

4

Sidney said:
Why not suggest a stuffed Tofurky instead?

This is perfect. It’s a win-win. If they don’t like it, they’ll know they need to make their own next year. If they do, maybe it’s the start of a vegan tradition!

5

Just tell them, “I’ll make a vegan version, but if you want the turkey, you’re on your own.”

6

That’s pretty messed up of them to expect that. Just say no. If they get mad, that’s on them, not you. You’re allowed to have boundaries.

7

Don’t do it. If you give in now, they’ll keep expecting it every year. Set the boundary now. Maybe try making a vegan seitan turkey this year instead.

8

Why would they expect you to handle a turkey if you’re vegan? That’s so messed up. If they want turkey, they can deal with it themselves.

9

Ori said:
Why would they expect you to handle a turkey if you’re vegan? That’s so messed up. If they want turkey, they can deal with it themselves.

They might not understand. For example, I hate dill but I still make dill dishes for my family. If OP hasn’t explicitly said they won’t handle animal products, how would their family know?

10

It sounds like they don’t respect your choices. Maybe explain your feelings clearly and offer to make some amazing vegan dishes. If they still push back, consider skipping the gathering altogether.

11

Marlow said:
It sounds like they don’t respect your choices. Maybe explain your feelings clearly and offer to make some amazing vegan dishes. If they still push back, consider skipping the gathering altogether.

I don’t think it’s necessarily about respect. If OP hasn’t communicated their boundaries, how would their family know what’s okay and what’s not?

12

Tell them if you’re cooking, it’s going to be a vegan dinner. Period.

13

Do what feels right for you. If that means not making the turkey, then don’t do it. You don’t have to be rude—just tell them it’s not something you’re willing to do anymore.

14

If they want a turkey so badly, they can make it themselves. Tell them you might throw up if you have to handle it.

15

Maybe try explaining it like this: “I wouldn’t like the idea of stuffing a person, so why would I want to stuff a turkey?” Also, here are some great vegan turkey recipes:

Maybe showing them how delicious vegan food can be will help.

16

Years ago, my grandma asked me to skin a fish. I was vegetarian at the time and refused, even though I knew it’d cause drama. Sometimes, you just have to stand firm.

17

Why not make a vegan dish that can be the star of the table instead?

18

Whoever cooks gets to decide the menu. Simple as that.

19

I can’t even handle being at the same table as meat. No way would I agree to cook it.

20

Just say no. If they get dramatic, let them. They can be dramatic while you enjoy your vegan food.