Lost my best friend of 7 years over animal cruelty

my ex and I were vegan together. After we broke up, I stuck with it, but she didn’t. I accepted that. I didn’t try to control her. We stayed best friends.

As time went on, my feelings about animal cruelty became quite stronger. I saw Dominion long after I went vegan and realized just how morally indefensible it was to consume animals.

One day, I brought up Dominion with her in conversation and suggested she check it out. She made a promise to me that she was going to watch it.

Years passed, and she never watched it. At one point, I mentioned it again. Again she promised, “I promise I will watch it this week. I will.”

Then she started posting IG photos of her meals, full of meat. It was obvious to me she didn’t keep her promise.

Recently, she sent me a video of a cat in a bag nearly going into a trash incinerator until one of the workers saw the cat. The cat’s owner had thrown him/her away to be disposed.

I had a “OMG” reaction. And she replied the cat owner was evil. I just couldn’t help myself. I had to say, “Yes, but what happens to livestock is also just as evil.”

And then she just went off. Accused me of shaming her. Told me there’s always evil in the world, and to stop bringing it up.

I replied back that the only reason I bring it up is because she made a promise to watch Dominion. I have no interest in shaming anyone. I asked her to tell me how I’m supposed to advocate for animals if recommending a documentary wasn’t the solution. She just left the message unread. 3 weeks passed.

So I removed her from a Spotify family plan I’ve had her in for years. She messaged me asking about it. I brought up that she villified me for speaking on something I care about, and leaving me unread when I replied.

She then said that I make her feel stupid and small and that I shame her. And to stop forcing my beliefs.

I replied, “I’m not forcing my beliefs. That’s gaslighting. It’s another way of shutting me up and not letting me advocate for animals.”

Her final response was that she doesn’t care to go back and forth. That our of her self-respect, she doesn’t care to keep this relationship.

I supported this girl financially through covid.

I went to her church with her, even though I had no interest in Christianity.

I forgave her when she cheated on me.

I supported her emotionally when her new guy got her pregnant and she had to get an abortion.

I supported her emotionally when her mom who she never called died, and gave her grace when she said, “I should have listened to you. I should have called her more.”

I supported her emotionally when her new guy got arrested and went to prison. And continued to support her as she went into debt bailing him out and paying his legal fees.

Yet somehow I crossed the line by holding her accountable to a promise that I never twisted her arm to make in the first place…

Please tell me, what do you think? Thank you.

Shit friend in a bazillion ways from what you describe. Someone out there will appreciate you and I would not waste another breath on this person who does not.

Entire tale apart, that isn’t what gaslighting is.

You seemed a little pushy, in my opinion. Just let her go; it’s unhealthy to be so attached to someone who doesn’t care for you. Just do your part to improve the planet; she DOES NOT want to become vegan. Why do you keep bringing it up if they are not interested in becoming vegans? Find someone else who is vegan to hang out with…

The fact that you concluded your post with a list of all the ways you assisted her really bothers me. It gives the impression that you did what you did only so you could say you done everything during these trying times. This is the kind of situation where you have to accept that your friend is no longer vegan if you want to stay friends. Are you angry with her for breaking her “promise” or are you angry that she is not vegan? Is it the two? It sounds like you should have never remained friends after she betrayed your trust once.

I apologize profusely. Individuals put forth a lot of effort to prevent us from speaking on behalf of animals. The annoying irony is that she wouldn’t bother politely inviting you to watch a documentary if she knew you were paying someone to murder dogs or cats so you could eat them. Rather, she would utterly humiliate you.

She will eventually recognize, in my opinion, that she was in the wrong about this.

It sounds like you two need assistance. She doesn’t seem like she belongs in your life, to be honest, but even if you try to convince her otherwise, she doesn’t owe you a lifestyle adjustment.

She is not a good friend because of her infidelity. But perhaps she truly felt that you were forcing your ideals on her, and she didn’t know how to tell you or didn’t want to witness it. In any case, a mature discussion was warranted, and it is always sad when a friendship ends.

I’m sure I wouldn’t miss them at all if my ex revealed all of this intimate information about me in a post where he or she vented and complained about me. Removing her from your Spotify subscription was a passive-aggressive move, and at twelve years old, it was understandable. Why am I the only one who notices this, I don’t know.

To be honest, it just becomes old to bring it up again. It’s obvious she wasn’t interested in seeing it since she made a commitment to watch it but never followed through. That response was to be expected because she doesn’t want to hear sermons on this subject.

To put it plainly… Your description of her makes her sound like a true ungrateful asshole.

She refers to it as “self-respect,” but it’s clear that she’s being defensive and ignoring what she previously said.

I regret learning that you lost a close buddy who held special meaning for you. It’s acceptable to be angry about it. However, I hope you can also recognize that you weren’t treated fairly by her and that you should have better friends.