i visited my dad last weekend. he has been abusive in the past but i guess i’ve just been visiting him because i feel obligated to. he hunts and fishes, so when i told him i was going vegan, he wasn’t very supportive. i was mostly hanging out with friends and avoiding meal times with him so that i could eat vegan food, since i was never able to set a boundary about not eating animal products. i went on a hike with him on saturday, and he asked why i was going vegan, so i went the environmental impact route and told him about how factory farming contributes to global warming and pollution. he started spitting out absolute nonsense about how all the research done around the topic was false and that i was better off not breathing if i wanted to be eco-friendly… after that, i was too scared to refuse to eat non-vegan food, so i had to eat a non-vegan meal with him on sunday. i feel awful and i keep thinking about it. that discussion was my last straw and i decided to go low contact with him yesterday, but i just feel so stupid about even going to visit in the first time. i feel so awful about it still. anyways, i guess this is just a rant post, but it’s been on my mind a lot in the last few days.
I think if you are afraid of your dad you should just stay away from him. You don’t have to live like that.
Stopping all contact with a toxic parent may be the best decision in your life. The sooner the better, trust me.
I apologize for what transpired. He used his position of authority to force you to do something you didn’t want to do, rather than encouraging you, being willing to talk to you, or even just letting you eat as you pleased. I hope you don’t punish yourself or become fixated on this. It’s a teaching moment, and going forward, you’ll know better how to set limits with your father and other people. Glad you made the switch to veganism!
Sometimes, especially when you’ve experienced trauma in your past, you learn about maintaining boundaries by crossing them. And the fawn response is real and can you leave you feeling utterly powerless.
And unfortunately, that usually leads to a lot of guilt and regret, and often even a feeling of being violated by the person who crossed the boundary (whether they were aware or not).
It sounds like you learned an important lesson from this experience, and one that you can use to prevent this from happening again. As you learn more about how to protect yourself and your values, this will surely have a resonant effect on your life. You’re on the right track, even if it doesn’t feel or look like it sometimes
Keep him from bullying you. Remain firm.
Accidents do occur, but what is your age? This is never going to be a vegan issue; it’s much more of a psychological/social issue involving you and standing your ground, emotions, and your connection with your father.
He has a religious voice. If you point out to him that God created him vegan in Eden, he might reconsider. Even while my mother won’t accept it completely, I believe that knowing that my father is not religious has somewhat loosened her stance on the matter.
For me, I approached my family with the medical aspect of it. They backed off because they didnt want me to get sick and see that it has worked for me for 7 years now. Primary family is fully supportive but some extended family still ask after all this time if I’ll eat salmon or whatever lol. Carnism is a nasty bug, we have to keep in mind everyone is struggling and reckoning in some way with the poisoning of the Earth. Whether they acknowledge it or not.
I recommend reading The Joyful Vegan by Colleen Patrick-Goudreau. Some insight for the social turmoil involved with going and staying vegan. Keep going, a perfect vegan doesn’t exist under capitalism
You’ll learn to be more vocal and speak more clearly and definitively. It’s good that you’re posting your mistakes and reflecting on them. Next time you can just tell him the actual truth that you are vegan because you are against animal abuse and no longer want to take part.
Enjoy life and don’t be afraid of debates or stress either, conflict is a normal part of life. Read some philosophy, psychology, you’ll become wiser and more in control of your inner world as you grow older, then you can respond more eloquently and more firmly in the future.
The community is here to help you whenever.
Consider being “vegan” to be more of a lifestyle than a label. We all make mistakes occasionally. We are surrounded with individuals such as your father. Consider this: Compared to your father, you consume 99% fewer items derived from deceased animals. In my opinion, that qualifies you as vegan. thus it’s a decision on lifestyle. You choose not to injure animals by consuming them. That in and of itself is remarkable. The majority of folks don’t care. Just consume less animals, I say—fuck labels. Well done!
LOL, stand up for yourself. You’re setting yourself up for failure when you tell him you’re turning vegan because of factory farming when you know he hunts and fishes.
Avoid making touch with everyone
You don’t need to feel bad about it; it’s not your fault. I’ve read that you were terrified and hesitant to defy him. You should be pleased of yourself for interacting with him less.
It’s alright. You’re a person. We are fallible. We make decisions that we later regret. It’s alright! You need to be a little kind with yourself.
You are not to blame. Don’t hold yourself responsible. I appreciate you taking the lesson to heart and establishing the boundaries.
Im sorry for you. I think it would be best for ,our to learn to say NO even if it is difficult. I had similar situations in life before especially with family not even about veganism but everything.
I apologize. My dad was similar to that, however he never prepared meals for me. At thirteen, I became a vegan and subsisted on ramen and beans. Now that I’m 34, I haven’t spoken to my father in almost ten years. This predicament has very little to do with being vegan. I am sensing red flags about his feelings for you based on what you’ve mentioned about him and his refusal to acknowledge or respect your boundaries. You merit better.
Hey, nothing to worry about. Don’t be too hard on yourself; you seem like you have a positive outlook on life. However, I would attempt to take this opportunity to let yourself know that it’s acceptable to advocate for yourself. particularly for principles you firmly believe in. It’s really liberating, but initially difficult. Wishing you luck!
Can’t blame you because you were abused by him. I say cut him out of your life